What really matters?

Disclaimer: This post uses fck in place of something. I am sure many of you know what that means. I am not trying to be vulgar here. Instead this is a word used throughout the book I speak of and so why change it…

So I bought a new book to read, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fck” by Mark Manson. (https://markmanson.net/books) So far the book is really good but this is only through Chapter 1. The first chapter, titled “Don’t Try”, was eye opening into how many fcks I probably give about things and why I drive myself nuts on a regular basis. I am always trying to be better, achieve some new goal, and be something to someone who probably in their own mind doesn’t give a fck about me, why should I care how they see me?…

So how did I find the book? Well, I am a subscriber to Code Magazine and while sometimes I just file away the new issue like it is some precious archive in my library, I actually had time and decided to read this issue. In the issue was an editorial talking about focusing on what really matters. What really matters? This is something I often think about and believe has become clouded with too much interference the last few months that I have lost that sense of what really matter. In the beginning of the article the author talks about the experience of reading the book that I mentioned above. That’s it… Saw it in an article that caught my eye and decided to go online and get a copy. Now I read…

Chapter 1 of the book, “Don’t Try” already has reached me. Don’t try… what do you mean, don’t try… but if I don’t try I can never be successful, rich and happy, right? WRONG!!! Don’t try doesn’t mean literally do not even try, pack it up, leave, it’s never going to happen. No, instead,¬† don’t try means don’t do something to the point of pushing yourself to do something because of a pre-conceived notion of what success is. The pushing yourself, the forced effort, that entire journey isn’t a positive. The positive is accepting the outcome no matter what and doing it because you want to. Why do I have to give a fck, why do I have to care about someone else’s definition of success when I am happy with mine?

That last piece is something I think I have forgotten as of late… I give too many fcks when it isn’t my place. I needed to hear that and to focus on what really matters. So, What Matters to Me?…

  1. My kids… I want them to be happy, learn, grow and experience life. I want to spend a good deal of time with them this year. Laugh with them, cry with them, just be with them. The way I figure I have at most another 2 years before eldest is on her way to college. Let’s make the most of every day!
  2. My wife… We’ve already cried so much together, been through thick and thin and battled our way to what will be 16 years of marriage this year. Time to really put our life together to the test and see if happiness is more than a word or a label.
  3. My mind… Yes this one is weird but I value my mind for the knowledge and the creativity and thought processes it takes me on. I am happiest when I am lost in my thoughts, thinking about¬†something, learning something obscure or just solving the puzzles that come with the programming I do so much. I want to get back to my code. I want to stop trying so hard and just do.

That’s really my goal for 2018 (not be mistaken with new year’s resolutions, I don’t do those..). My goal is to do more and just be happy or at the very least accept things as they are and stop trying so hard for notions that aren’t even mine.

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